Couples and Relationship Counselling in Milton Keynes
Counselling for couples
Being in a relationship can be very challenging at times, and you have the ability to solve relationship problems together and get through difficulties, given the right support and help. In counselling, we will explore what is working and what isn’t working between you and your partner, encouraging you to recognise your own needs and being able to express these in a way that is helpful, so that you can bring stability and joy into your relationship.
I believe that the reason people are attracted to each other and engage in a relationship is because we recognise in the other, intuitively the opportunity for our healing and growth. The recognition of this potential can be unconscious. This leads to falling in love, often seeing each other as the “perfect” partner. It is not usually until the romantic phase has passed, which it inevitably does, that we start to feel challenged by each other.
Imago Relationship Therapy
My practice centres around open exploration and sensitivity through Imago Relationship Therapy,
Imago Relationship Therapy provides a way of working with couples that can help you explore the patterns within your relationship and develop a deeper understanding of each other’s experiences, feelings and needs.
The therapy uses structured dialogue to help couples listen and communicate differently. This can provide an opportunity to slow down difficult conversations, hear what is underneath the conflict and develop greater empathy and understanding.
Sometimes we can become caught in familiar ways of responding to one another. Imago can help you to recognise these patterns and explore what may be happening beneath them.
What it means to love and be in a relationship
Poet and novelist Rainer Maria Rilke contemplated the meaning of love. His words were written with great sense and sensibility. He wrote that for one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult of all tasks; love is a tender emotion, and you can make it blossom with a smile. Love requires great communication with another. Often it is not what you give, but what you are willing to give, that determines the quality of love. It is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
Love can bring us great joy, but being in a relationship can also be challenging. We each bring our own experiences, expectations, needs and ways of seeing the world into our relationships. In the early stages of a relationship, we may be less aware of these differences. As the relationship develops, they can become more apparent and sometimes lead to misunderstanding, frustration or conflict. I believe that these difficulties can also provide opportunities for healing and growth.
Being in a relationship can invite us to learn more about ourselves as well as about the person we love. It can challenge us, but it can also offer opportunities to develop greater understanding, compassion and connection.
For me, love involves being able to communicate openly, to listen and to try to understand each other. It is not about losing who we are or becoming the same as one another, but about finding ways of being together while respecting each person’s individuality.
Some of the concerns couples come along with include:
- Wanting to communicate with each other more effectively
- Feeling that your partner does not understand your needs
- Discovering a secret or something that has been kept from you
- Infidelity, an affair, deceit or an indiscretion
- Finding it difficult to talk about sex and intimacy
- Talking about difficult emotions and frustrations
- Dealing together with dislocation, trauma and resilience
- Coping together with a terminal illness
- Grieving together and dealing with loss
- Finding your own voice within the relationship
- Changes in lifestyle or work affecting the relationship
- Rebuilding trust
- Talking about commitment
- Dealing with anger and rage
- Becoming parents and finding ways to parent together
- Questioning whether to continue the relationship/finding a better way to end it
This list is not exhaustive. You may be experiencing difficulties that are not included here, or you may simply feel that something has changed within your relationship and you would like some support in understanding it.
You do not have to wait until your relationship has reached a crisis point before seeking counselling.